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Friendship

Friendship needs no studied phrases,
Polished face, or winning wiles;
Friendship deals no lavish praises,
Friendship dons no surface smile.

Friendship follows Nature's diction,
Shuns the blandishments of Art,
Boldly severs truth from fiction,
Speaks the language of the heart.

Friendship favors no condition,
Scorns a narrow-minded creed,
Lovingly fulfills its mission,
Be it word or be it deed.

Friendship cheers the faint and weary,
Makes the timid spirit brave,
Warns the erring, lights the dreary,
Smooths the passage to the grave.

Friendship - pure, unselfish friendship,
All through life's allotted span,
Nurtures, strengthens, widens, lengthens,
Man's relationship with man.

--Anonymous

I have to admit I have been at a point of crisis over the past month or so. No one thing really just a con flux of "what the hell" life moments that alone would be hard enough.. together they have served to scramble my brain a bit. Last weekend I had to get a hold of some of my issues and set a relationship right with someone I love very much but they did not love me. I felt that my feelings if not checked would ruin my friendship. So I had to say good bye to him for a moment and hope that when I can come back to it that the original friendship will survive. The experience has been new and un -nerving to me so this week I became obsessed with digging deeper into what friendship is all about. I was sure that I was not the first to go through this.

My own take on friendship has always been one of quality vs quantity. I have spent my life cultivating close personal friendships that have been deeper than those who have lots of friends on a more superficial level. I know I have a good friend when that friend can tell me the truth even when the truth isn't going to be what I want to hear.

And when I don't follow their advise wont make me feel like a fool or an ass. A good friend will always be there when things are great or at the bottom. Such as recently when my Mother passed away. I sent out and e-mail to say 25 people I feel close to, and to my dismay with in three hours the return of close to 300 e-mails, some from people I have not heard from in 10 years! To be honest I had underestimated the level to which I/we enter into other peoples lives and leave our marks. The messages helped me in an awful moment in life and I was amazed at the intricate intertwining of people. Not quite six degrees of separation but a genuine tapestry of interconnected relationships.
Historically friendships have ranked right up there as some of the most powerful relationships ever. The bible gives us two very powerful examples the first being the friendship between two widows Ruth and Naomi. Their friendship was so strong that when Naomi asked Ruth to go back to her family no matter what Naomi said to Ruth, Ruth would not leave. What she told Naomi is one of the most famous expressions of friendship and is often incorporated into the vows in a wedding ceremony, "Don't ask me to leave. Where you go I will go, and where you stay I will stay. Your friends will be my friends and your God will be my God." Ruth fidelity and kindness to Naomi were rewarded when she met Boaz, and married him and ultimately became the great grandmother to King David. The story seems to indicate that true friendship is one of mutual sharing and sacrifice.

The story of Jonathan and David illustrates not just sacrifice but how friendships can sometimes compete with other obligations and affections. Jonathan was the eldest son and heir of King Saul of Israel. He was also Davids sworn friend. After David killed Goliath, Saul grew jealous of his popularity, and fearing that he would eventually become King, sought to murder him. Jonathan's defense of David, made doubly painful because of his filial duties and his own claim to the throne, is one of the greatest examples of loyalty in friendship. Moving into the new testament the Christian Gospels state that Jesus Christ declared, "No one has greater love than this, to lay down one's life for one's friends."(John 15:13),again the theme of sacrifice.

From then to today the same themes have continued to play out in both real and fictional friendships. From the tales of King Arthur to some of the prolific programing we watch on TV today. There is a moment in perhaps the worst Star Trek film ever made(ST-V) when Kirk, Spock and McCoy sitting around a camp fire finally talking about what has kept them together all of these years as friends. Kirk who had almost died hours earlier from a fall and was saved by Spock concluded that as long as his friends were there with him he knew he would not die. The themes of friendship and its complex interdependence are many and cover so many levels of relationship as to possibly indicate that the importance of friendships to the success of humanity.
The meaning of friendship has best been catured in poetry I've included some of my favorite poems on the subject.

To be a Friend...

Guard within yourself that treasure, kindness.
Know how to give without hesitation,
how to lose without regret,
how to acquire without meanness.
Know how to replace in your heart,
by the happiness of those you love,
the happiness that may be wanting to yourself.

--George Sand (1804-1876)


A True Friend

Is one who understands where you have been,
accepts who you have become
and loves you unconditionally as you are.
He does not wish you `luck' as you step out into the unknown...
he walks into the void by your side.
He will not offer distractions
nor easy advice in your time of need...
instead he will pray for wisdom, born of compassion,
and a willingness to take your pain upon himself.

Such a friend will always speak of you when you are not present,
as though you were,
and though he may not always share your sunny days,
he will always be there to help you through the stormy ones.
He is not skeptical of your blooming,
nor jealous of your shining apart from him,
for he seeks not to steal your joy,
but to multiply it.

It has been well said that there is no greater love than this...
for a true friend does not take life from you,
he gives you his own.

--Gail Copeland



Friendships
Friends,
if we can compare
are like angels.
Even when you can't see them,
They are there
And when you seem to need them
most to care,
They become even closer friends.
And to this our sorrow ends
Where angelic love begins.

--Anonymous

There are many different adjectives to describe the friends in our lives. Close friend. Best friend. Childhood friend. Intimate friend. Trusted friend. Beloved friend. But whether you use adjectives or have different words, few could deny the nearly infinite meaning in such a simple word.

Friends are special people. We can't pick our family and society and mores (and often our own conscience) dictate we select a single mate. But our friends can be as diverse and infinite as the adjectives we choose. Our friends, in a very real sense, reflect the choices we make in life. With that said I often am told that I have great friends and so I must be making good choices. How ever it happens I am blessed in this life and I have concluded that if the friend is true then no mater how long the separation it will prevail.

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