Fathers Day

Fathers day takes on a different dimension this year. With Mom gone Dad is all we have left and over the past couple of years I have begun to assess my relationship with him. Growing up my father was self employed in Detroit and I found myself working for him at a very early age. Working for your father comes with the double edge sword of having to work harder than the others so it didn't look like you were just there based on your relationship to the boss. He had very high expectations and the type of work my father did, landscaping/tree removal was very physical work. I was more interested then in reading books in the comfort of my room, building models and just being an over sensitive nerdy kid. Needless to say during that time of my life I did not have a very good relationship with my father. His expectations often followed with the extra curricular stuff to, things like little league, hunting and fishing...
I just wasn't into those kinds of things.

Its not like he didn't make efforts to do some of the things I liked, We joined the Detroit Astronomical Society built a telescope together... oddly enough I liked motorcycles and we did that as well. While these were all kewl things it was my brother Peter who seemed to hit it off with dad and we soon worked our way out of each others life. When I graduated from College he told me after the graduation that he was proud of me. It was the first time I had ever heard him say that and even though I had completed school on time after breaking my leg in 10 places,I was still pretty much floored to hear those words. By the time I finished school my relationship with my both parents was one that was strained and looking back it was my sense of not meeting their/his expectations that had me move as far from home as I could. I needed to prove myself to myself if that makes sense. I tried never to ask for help and when I did I still failed with that. my priorities were not the best.

Looking back on the experience I can see where I was my own worst enemy in life and I can now see that my parents were both very patient with my short comings. and now that i am older I am finally understanding who I am, what drives me and to my surprise I see my father when I look in the mirror.

My father taught me to value work and to respect authority. He taught me that there can be no good from an ill gotten gain, and that drinking in anything but moderation is generally the dumbest thing you can do. He taught me to do my best not to lie (something I am not good at anyways). "Don't believe anything you hear and only half of what you read" was one of his favorite sayings.... and while I think he's one of the smartest guys I know he would also tell me that he has learned that "everyday he wakes up a little dumber" meaning there is so much to learn in this world and the more you try to learn the more you realize there is to learn. My father taught me to value everyone based on their character and not based on the color of their skin. How to respect the world and to never liter....

I am just now beginning to understand and appreciate the natural world he tried to expose me to when I was a kid. Growing up I was exposed to the music of Peter, Paul and Mary and the folk music of the 60's and to this day I know all of their music word for word and often find myself singing to myself the lyrics of "This Train" when I am on the subway going to work or the words to "Autumn to May" when I felt melancholy.

The past few years I have come to gain a greater respect for this man, when Mother went into the hospital last year in March he was there fulfilling his obligation to her as she fought through and finally succumbed to her illness. He showed me that not only did he deeply love my mother but he loved us... me too. I have had more face time with in this past year than in the 20 years before. I asked him one night if he thought he did a good job raising the family? His response to me was surprising to me but it illustrates him perfectly. He said he didn't think he did a very good job because he wasn't there for us growing up in the way he now understands we needed him. He seemed surprised by how individual we all were and how he wished he could have been better in addressing those needs. Still learning - thats my dad. I told him from my perspective he did a pretty good job and that we all learned how to be self sustaining. There is more to life than just that he replied...
I thought about it, apparently I'm still learning too.
Note: All images and text (not specified) is copyrighted by Christopher Cushman.