Words From My Life

In addition to photography and painting I often would often be compelled to write words to a page. At times poems and other words would burst out in emotional torrents that seemingly needed to be released as a way of processing emotional baggage that I was carrying to long. Sometimes the words were a result of being emotionally overwhelmed at the though of someone I cared for. I am not a poet nor a writer by trade and for the most part words do not come easily for me, so when these possessed moments happened I always considered them significant creative moments.

This first poem I wrote for someone I cared for, but who seemed emotionally unavailable to me and it scared me off from a serious relationship. Ironicly we are still good friends and I consider his council to be grounding for me and therefore he remains significant in my life.

On the Shore of Your Soul

It hits me everytime I see
you or hear your voice.

Wave upon wave washing over
my body as I stand onthe shore
of your heart.

The warm waters dare me to
dive in, but your strong
tide threatens me and I am
afraid of your undertow.

You see I've been in the water
before, and I am not afraid
to swim. But I have experienced
drowning.

So I will wade on your shores
until IM ready for the plunge.

And refresh myself in the
waters of your soul.

This second piece was written when I got home from the bar one night. It was three years since I had lost Perry to AIDS and that night I had gone to the bar to meet with some friends and I ran into Vito, a friend of Perry's. That night Vito had been wearing one of the outfits I had bought Perry, it seems he left them for Vito who was his size. To add to the moment I could still smell Perry when I gave Vito a hug... It was a very emotional moment.

I Saw You Today

Saw you at the bar today!
Oh I know you have been gone
a long time, what has it been
three years?

But there you were sitting on
that stool, in that bar
looking cute in those pants
you know I like.

I sat next to you this night
Three years too long, but I knew
it was you.

The man who occupied your cloths
gave me a long hug and a kiss
on my neck. You did that
I remember.

He spoke eloquently about you
and with pride about the cloths
you gave him before you died...

I guess he loved you in his
own way as did I.
I'm positive though not as much
as me.

Part of me died with you that day
three years ago. But part of you
lives today...

Fore I saw you today.
And oh you have been gone
a long time!

Perry was very special to me... a soul mate to be sure! Here is a piece written in happier times. one of the things I gained from Perry was that love is sometimes destined and that sometimes it is the smallest things about someone that are the most precious things in life.

Perry

I saw you dancing.
I saw you smile at me.
I went to your table.
I gave you my number.
You took it and smiled.
You called the next day.

You invited me to your home.
You smiled when I came to your door.
You invited me to stay.
I smiled back and followed you
up the stairs.

I engaged you in conversation.
I love to hear your voice.
I tell you jokes.
I love your laugh.

You moved closer to me.
You needed someone.
Your breath became quick.
You kissed me.
You smiled with your eyes.

You laughed with your heart.
You made love to me.
I laid quietly next to you.
I watched you breathe.
I staid for may days.

I went to work with you.
I came back everyday.
I used the key you gave me.
I loved being with you.
I loved you.

You came to my home.
You laid in my bed
We made love everyday.
We made plans for a life.
We were happy!

My final piece for tonights post was actually a personal ad that I posted in the Metro Times in Detroit (for those of you in Toronto think NOW Magazine) I wanted to be different from literally everyone else in the paper and I also wanted to push my self through the exercise of describing just what I wanted... I got several replies but sadly it may have been to much to expect of any one man;-)

Seeking

A strong black, lean and cocky, intelligent man,
un-afraid of the world or his own short comings,
sensitive enough to his needs to understand mine.

Loving and passionate with a physical perfection
not found in everyone and within my eyes no one else.

Humorous and with age witty bordering on charming
yet with out being self defacing.

Generous in all things important, his heart and mind.
Giving in all worldly matters using empathy as his
guide.

Happy about himself and his position in life, a master
of his own destiny but with the humility to know it
belongs to a higher spiritual power.

Now I say to you... is that asking to much?;-)


Note: All images and text (not specified) is copyrighted by Christopher Cushman. This site does not specify or denote the sexual orientation of any model and as such please post your comments accordingly.